Monthly Archives: October 2010

Special Time Leads to Connection

A Special Time success story from a Parenting by Connection parent:

For our third Special Time, my 6-year-old daughter said she wanted to play “Tickle Time” (in which she tickles me until I beg for mercy) again for the third week in a row!  But when we went to her room to play, she started jumping on her bed. I kept thinking that she was going to either break the bed or fall off and get hurt, but I contained my worries and let her do it exactly as she wanted. I patiently sat on the side of her bed and watched.

It was amazing how much fun she was having jumping up in the air and trying to touch her toes like a cheerleader. After a while, I asked her if she wanted me to jump with her. She said, “No,” that she just wanted me to watch her, so I sat back and watched and made silly comments to make us laugh. She jumped for almost 15 minutes before getting tired and falling down on the bed in exhaustion. She caught her breath and then began to tickle me until I laughed so hard and “pleaded” for mercy. She returned to jumping on the bed, and then we ended our Special Time with her “flying” on my legs in the airplane game.

Ending Special Time is always difficult for my daughter because she is having so much fun and wants to stay connected to me. Once she had a chance to settle down and transition from playtime, she followed me upstairs to my room where I started putting laundry away. Her mood changed to a serious one, and she told me how much she loved me, and how she never wanted anyone in our family to die unless we all died together at the same time. She said she didn’t want me to die early like my friend had done a couple of weeks earlier, and she broke down crying and sobbing in my arms. I listened.

I am absolutely amazed at the powerful effects that Special Time has on my relationship with my daughter, and also in helping her address things that are bothering her. I have been telling everyone I know lately, who has kids, about this great activity and how powerful it can be in building relationships with children.

Tantrum Training Class Helps a Family

Photo (C) Ilker 2008

First I would like to thank for your support. I am so glad that I could attend the Tantrum Training seminar. I have a 2.5 year old son and a 16 month old daughter. As my daughter started walking recently, she invaded my son’s territory.

There is constant fighting, crying and tantruming. I used to do time outs and isolate my kids until they could calm down or commanded them to stop crying and yelling.

The seminar has helped me to gain a new perspective on tantrums. Now, whenever there is a tantrum, I tell myself that “I am thankful for the tantrum. Because my son/daughter is trying to communicate with me and I will be there for him/her.” I started applying staylistening after the first class. However, the tantrum got worse! I wasn’t sure if this method really worked. But later on, I realized that it was because my son feels safer to express his feelings and tension to me. The second week, I did both staylistening and special time. Amazingly, the occurrence of tantrums significantly decreased. Not only that but, both my husband and I enjoy the special time with our kids.

One day my son was upset that I didn’t give him something during breakfast. He started crying and screaming. I thought he is being unreasonable. In the past, I would say “Eat your breakfast now and don’t be unreasonable.” But I stayed by him and listened to his cry. After about 10 minutes, he said, “I don’t want dad to go to work.” I am amazed that as I listened to his cry, his real issue surfaced – he misses his dad.

The tantrum training has completely changed our parenting approach. Being able to connect to our children becomes the first priority in our relationship with them. We could not believe that a 3-week workshop could transform us and help us to be more confident parents. Many thanks sincerely from our heart.

- a Parenting by Connection mom

Visit Hand in Hand for the current class schedule.