Comments for Super-protective Factor: Tales of Parenting by Connection http://superprotectivefactor.com Nurturing the Parent-Child Connection Sat, 18 May 2013 19:01:15 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ Comment on A Little Special Time in the Morning by Gayle Holten http://superprotectivefactor.com/2012/12/10/a-little-special-time-in-the-morning/#comment-5446 Sat, 18 May 2013 19:01:15 +0000 http://superprotectivefactor.com/?p=2441#comment-5446 My children are long grown but the memories are as fresh as a rain shower. Special time is an excellent way to connect with little ones. But as a seasoned mom and now grandmother I want to give you all the heads up that it is a must when they move into the teen years. Just because they look and act all independent does not mean that they have a diminished need for parental connection. Sensing this I resigned my job and started my own business so I could be more available to my children in the teens years. Everyday when they got home from school we would reconnect…you know, have special time. We would sit around the kitchen table, have a snack, and catch up on the day. No blaming, no shaming, no complaining. Just sharing and listening. Can’t tell you how enjoyable the teen years were. And they passed by so quickly. By the way – I named my training and consulting business in parenting education Nurturing Connections. Why? Because I believe in it and I know it works.

]]> Comment on A Little Special Time in the Morning by Jamie http://superprotectivefactor.com/2012/12/10/a-little-special-time-in-the-morning/#comment-5437 Sat, 18 May 2013 04:44:07 +0000 http://superprotectivefactor.com/?p=2441#comment-5437 I have 3 kids, just under 1, just under 4 and just turned 6, and I really struggle with how to give them all special time too! I have come to realize that it just isn’t possible when I am the only adult around, not while they are young. I have come up with a game that my two oldest’s love, though, to try and give each of them a little extra dose of attention.

We call it “follow the leader”, and it’s almost like a mini, group special time. We set a timer and each of us gets a turn being the “leader”, and absolutely being in charge of what everyone does. I have to keep it short, about 5 minute turns, or the novelty of it wears off for the “follower”, but it has served us really well at times. I can give (almost) all of my attention to the one in charge without the others feeling abandoned, and I like to think that they are learning that it can feel good to give each other turns getting what they really want.

Hope that helps!

]]> Comment on The Consequences of Connection by Luz http://superprotectivefactor.com/2013/05/08/the-consequences-of-connection/#comment-5434 Fri, 17 May 2013 22:26:41 +0000 http://superprotectivefactor.com/?p=3019#comment-5434 Yes.. Thanks for the article. Its really good. I also like the phrase ” if he could, he would”. Useful for so many situations with children and adults, and so different of what we usually listen. It is good to read this kind of article to remember it!

]]> Comment on A Little Special Time in the Morning by Leigh Jamison http://superprotectivefactor.com/2012/12/10/a-little-special-time-in-the-morning/#comment-5424 Thu, 16 May 2013 19:11:39 +0000 http://superprotectivefactor.com/?p=2441#comment-5424 We have two sons, a year and a half apart. When alone with them, I always made a point of filling their need for connection with some “Love games” before giving them Special time. A family favorite was “Egg Babies”, where we all got into our big bed and the boys hid under a blanket each pretending they were in eggs while I complained loudly about what a lonely Egg Mommy I was and how much I longed for my babies. When they wiggled or stuck out a foot or hand I was overjoyed and showered them with my joy and appreciation. They loved playing this game! We could do this for fifteen minutes or more, until they got bored with it. This seemed to be enough to fill them up so that they could peacefully “let” the brother have some special time and occupy themselves meanwhile. I would not stretch my luck by doing long Special Time sessions, maybe five minutes each, and then I would save the longer Special time sessions for when their dad was home and could give the other brother Special time too.

]]> Comment on A Little Special Time in the Morning by Aviva http://superprotectivefactor.com/2012/12/10/a-little-special-time-in-the-morning/#comment-5421 Thu, 16 May 2013 17:13:39 +0000 http://superprotectivefactor.com/?p=2441#comment-5421 Lovely article. Any thoughts about how to do this with twins? Especially as a working mom? I come home from work and both are desperate for special alone time. I simply cannot make myself turn away from one of them in order to focus on the other as soon as I’ve come home (the one whose turn it isn’t is just heartbroken). Instead, I get on the floor and sit with them or have some roughhousing, which we all enjoy. But I sense that what each really needs is alone time. Any ideas? It’s the hardest part about having twins!

]]> Comment on The Consequences of Connection by kim http://superprotectivefactor.com/2013/05/08/the-consequences-of-connection/#comment-5401 Mon, 13 May 2013 03:36:07 +0000 http://superprotectivefactor.com/?p=3019#comment-5401 Thank you- so needed to read this today- something to print out and stick on the wall for a little while to remind me.

]]> Comment on The Consequences of Connection by Danielle http://superprotectivefactor.com/2013/05/08/the-consequences-of-connection/#comment-5395 Sun, 12 May 2013 16:24:15 +0000 http://superprotectivefactor.com/?p=3019#comment-5395 Kathy,
What a great response! I too love the phrase you used: “if he could, he would”. I try to remember that my kids off track behavior is a signal of their need for connection and not an indicator of their character.

]]> Comment on Play Helps Dissolve Frustration by sherrisiegel http://superprotectivefactor.com/2013/05/10/play-helps-dissolve-frustration/#comment-5387 Sat, 11 May 2013 16:08:27 +0000 http://superprotectivefactor.com/?p=3010#comment-5387 Reblogged this on Sherri Siegel and commented:
Insightful, so I wanted to share it here.

]]> Comment on The Consequences of Connection by SB http://superprotectivefactor.com/2013/05/08/the-consequences-of-connection/#comment-5378 Fri, 10 May 2013 23:30:56 +0000 http://superprotectivefactor.com/?p=3019#comment-5378 This was the perfect article to read just now, (glad I clicked on my email). My son today mentioned a remark that quite striked a nerve and hit me like a cold pail of water…good thing I was in a rush to return to work because I wanted to “make him” understand how hurtful, rude, and unappreciative that was…I took it very personal. After analyzing this trigger I realized this is a past hurt that I need to deal with because the truth is I know my son would never want to cause any hurt especially since his comment had no malicious intent, he is just being an 8 year old.
Mother’s day is approaching and he has been saving up money for a video game. So he made me a wonderful and beautiful mother’s day card, (lol) but as he gave it to me he said, “Look mom I made you a very special mother’s day card now I don’t have to spend my $20.” -Uh, MY ego lost it- Because afterall I do for him, and everything I get him, and OMG after trying to implement these new tools so we can connect and have a better relationship he won’t even buy me a gift. How dare he not buy my love with a gift and use up all his (hard earned) money?! …That is exactly how I grew up, having to prove my love to my mother by giving her a purchased gift, never a homemade one (because she did not accept those) and competing with my siblings because the best gift got attention and made her smile and you know that means she loves you…
So, my comment may or may not be relevant to this article but thank you Kathy I needed to read it. My son loves me and his card is better than any hallmark card he could have bought.

]]> Comment on The Consequences of Connection by Karen http://superprotectivefactor.com/2013/05/08/the-consequences-of-connection/#comment-5376 Fri, 10 May 2013 18:21:35 +0000 http://superprotectivefactor.com/?p=3019#comment-5376 I love the phrase, “If he could, he would.” It applies to all of us, and it’s a great mantra. Thank you for the inspiring article!

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