Tag Archives: playful

Making Potty Training into Play Time

My three-year-old was getting better at using the potty, but he would end up wetting his pants once in a while.

One day, in a supermarket while trying to get grocery shopping done quickly, he started wiggling like he needed to go potty. I asked him to use the bathroom.  He was very reluctant, acting like a dog refusing to move despite a tug of the leash.

I was tempted to try persuasion, negotiation or bribery, but decided to suggest Special Time instead.  It was a busy morning and I wanted to “fill his cup” first, even though it felt like I couldn’t afford the time.

I said, “We can play whatever you want.  We don’t have a timer, so let’s do a three-minute Special Time until that clock shows 11:45.”  He agreed very happily.

For his Special Time, he told me to be a horse, so I went down on all fours on the supermarket floor in front of the bathroom with my son on my back.  I wasn’t sure what others in the store would think of me!

But after about half a minute of horsy ride in front of the bathroom, my son announced the end of Special Time, saying, “Ring, ring, timer!  Let’s go potty!”  though his time wasn’t up yet.

And after this brief connection in play, my three-year-old went into the bathroom and used the potty successfully.

—Keiko Sato-Perry, Certified Parenting by Connection Instructor

Keiko Sato-Perry

Join Keiko in her upcoming Building Emotional Understanding online class starting April 22.  Register now!

Listen to a podcast of a recent teleseminar “Parenting: Going Deeper”, in which Keiko presented.

You can read more of Keiko’s stories here and learn more about Parenting by Connection in the Listening to Children booklet set.

100 Kisses

My teen was home from college for her first short visit and I wanted to connect with her in a close way. I knew she was in the process of learning to be independent, and I wanted to respect her freedom and the personal growth she had achieved. I had read about giving 100 kisses to your child as a way to playfully connect and show her how much you love her.  So I thought I would try doing this.

My daughter was sitting on the couch and looked a little lost, being home for the first time. I snuck up behind her and kissed her forehead while counting to ten. She started to smile and said, “What the heck?” I told her I missed her so much that I had 100 kisses stored up for her and I was going to try to sneak all 100 in before she went back to college. I then gave her 10 more and said, “Whew, that is 20!” She started laughing and I could see her relax and start to settle into being home.

As the weekend progressed, I continued to surprise her with 10 kisses on the shoulder, 10 kisses on the hand, 10 kisses on the leg. I don’t think I ended up completing the whole 100 kisses, but it didn’t matter. What it did do was give me an opportunity to show her she was loved and missed. She was able to relax, and it gave us an opportunity to talk about how different her life was at college than at home.  She opened up about what her days were like, and what was happening with her friends and her classes.

Being playful helped me as much as it did her. I desperately wanted to make her feel comfortable being home, and didn’t know quite how. By being playful, I was able to tell her how much I loved her, get close to her and still respect her freedom. I played the “silly mom” role and was rewarded with laughter, closeness and respect.

Food Fight! Helping My Picky Eater

Usually I do about ten minutes of special time with my three year-old son a couple of times a week.  Although ten minutes of special time always seems like such a short amount of time to do special time with a child, when I’m actually doing it with my son, I find myself waiting eagerly for the timer to sound.  Recently I decided to try thirty minutes.  

For his special time, my son decided that he wanted to have a snack, so I set the timer in the kitchen and we sat down at the table together to eat peanut butter crackers.   In the past, my son has thrown food when he is angry.  But during this special time, he seemed quite happy, and at one point decided it would be fun to throw a cracker on the floor.

He looked at me to get my approval.  I gave him the go- ahead and as he threw the cracker up in the air, I put a cloth napkin over my head and shrieked, “Yikes!  It’s raining peanut butter crackers!”  This got him to laugh and he proceeded to take another cracker carefully out of the bowl and throw it in the air.  Again, I put a cloth napkin up—a pretend umbrella—and said, “Wow!  It’s raining peanut butter crackers!”

I kept looking at the timer I had set on the stove.  I couldn’t believe that the first time I decided to do 30 minutes of special time with him, he chose to throw crackers around the kitchen!  He continued to throw his crackers one-by-one, slowly and methodically, and giggling with each throw.  I continued to put up the pretend umbrella and we had a big laugh after each toss.

Then, about 25 minutes into the session he looked across the table and saw a bowl of potstickers that had been left on the table from earlier in the evening.  He looked at me, his eyes grew big, and with pure excitement he said, “Raining potskickers!?”  I imagined greasy potskickers smeared across the kitchen floor and I hoped more than anything that the timer would sound.  It didn’t.  So I looked at him and said, “Sorry, we can’t throw the potstickers on the floor.”  Surprisingly he didn’t seem bothered by this.  He decided to eat them instead (I think he really was hungry) and we talked for a few minutes more until the timer went off.

At the end of special time I gave him a big hug and decided to sweep up the peanut butter crackers before we got ready for bed.  He wanted to help.  We had a lovely time sweeping together and eventually we got ready for bed.  He put on his pajamas, brushed his teeth, listened to the stories I read, and turned out the light without a fuss or complaint.

The next morning he woke up and said with a big smile on his face, “Mommy, remember it was raining peanut butter crackers?”  When we went to my mother’s house the next evening, he told her about the night it was raining crackers.

It felt great to be able to do a longer session of special time with him and to have just enough attention to let him throw his crackers around the room.  Maybe one day it will be potstickers.

Certified Instructor Julie Johnson has a limited number of seats in her Building Emotional Understanding class,beginning April 28. Reserve your seat today.